Why Control is an Illusion We Must Release

Sometimes in Life, We Forget That We Can’t Control Everything

We hold on to the metaphorical leash so tightly — trying to steer every moment, every person, every response — that we don’t realize how much pain that grip is causing us.

Control feels like safety.
Control feels like certainty.
Control is a comforting illusion — until life politely rips it from your hands

And the more we try to micromanage outcomes that don’t belong to us, the more we lose ourselves in the process.

Yes, We Need Control… but Only Over What’s Ours

Your tone? Yours.
Your choices? Yours.
The texts you send, the words you use, the energy you bring into a conversation? Also yours.

But here’s the deal:
You don’t get to control how people receive you.
You don’t get to control if someone loves you back, forgives you, understands you, or meets you at your emotional depth.

That’s on them.
And clinging to it is like yelling at the weather because it didn’t follow your weekend plan.

And this isn’t related solely to romantic relationships. This is related to family relationships too. To friendships. To professional relationships with your co-workers.

This is related to any form of connection with another human being.

Thinking You’ve Got To Have Full Control? It’s a Sweet Little Lie

I used to try to plan my way out of pain.
Anticipate every reaction. Rehearse conversations. Send emotionally loaded texts late at night or in the early morning hours.
And for what?

Nothing I tried to force ever gave me peace.

Because peace doesn’t come from control — it comes from clarity.
From knowing what’s yours to hold and what isn’t.
From understanding where your power ends and where the universe’s stand-up comedy routine begins.

So I Made Two Lists

You know I love a good list.
Especially when I need to gently remind myself, Martina, this ain’t yours to carry.

Out of My Control:

Other people’s opinions of me
The past (unfortunately, still not editable)
How someone responds to my honesty
Whether Mercury retrograde decides to mess up my emotional Wi-Fi
The timeline of my healing, relationships, or when the coffee hits just right

In My Control:

My self-talk (she used to be so extra, but now we’re healing and drinking water)
My reactions
My boundaries (and my right to reinforce them, even if they make others uncomfortable)
How I show up in the world — even when things feel uncertain
Whether I keep choosing peace, even when drama rings the doorbell

Real Talk: You Can’t Force Life To Unfold the Way You Want It To

And when you try, life will absolutely roast you.
It will hit you with curveballs, delays, detours, and moments that humble you quickly.

Trying to control relationships? They’ll slip through your hands.
Trying to control what people think of you? You’ll end up performing instead of being real.
Trying to control outcomes? You’ll miss the beauty of what’s actually meant for you.

Letting Go Isn’t Weakness — It’s Wisdom.

It’s not giving up.
It’s choosing grace over grip.
It’s trusting that what’s meant for you won’t need to be chased.
And what isn’t meant for you won’t stay, no matter how perfectly you perform.

Letting go is the quiet confidence that your worth doesn’t depend on holding things together.
It’s knowing when to release the rope and protect your peace.

Letting go means:

You focus on your lane
You water your own garden
You stop leaking energy trying to rearrange other people’s feelings

And honestly? That kind of emotional hygiene is sexy.

Final Thoughts

You’re not failing because you can’t control everything.
You’re healing.
You’re learning to surrender what was never yours to carry.
You’re realizing that peace doesn’t come from gripping — it comes from grounding.

So let the chaos do what chaos does.
You?
You’ll be over here minding your energy. You’ll be enjoying the calmness. You’ll be trusting that what’s meant for you doesn’t need to be chased. It only needs to be received.

Self-Love with a Side of WTF